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One of my favorites "If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullchit"
 

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You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
I say that to one of my buddies that goes fishing with my that shoots probably 1/10th as many times as I do lol
 

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"Measure twice,cut once"

"2 wrongs don't make it right,but 2 Wrights make an airplane"

"2 wrongs don't make it right, but 3 rights make a left"
 

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this doesn't always apply lol but how my life goes .... "If it don't fit force it, if it breaks it needed to be replaced anyway"
 

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-If its too good to be true....it probably is.

-Never trust a fart, an old step ladder, or a woman

-If someone says "I got this!" they probably don't.

-Buying your wife expensive presents to keep her with you is putting a band-aid on a bullet-wound.

-5 out of 4 people cant do fractions

-"I'm sorry" just doesn't cut it with your wife on random purchases over 50$. Regaurdless of what she says.
 

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-99% of people use 2% of their brain power.

-Never give 100% when 25% is clearly overkill dealing with the subject matter.

-Know a little bit about a lot...Not a lot about a little bit (This quote runs through my brain every hour of every day since I heard it)

-Nobody I know got a job at a place they wanted to work because they had a 4.0 in college.

-You can always re-take the test but you can never retake the party and the memories made.

-If she looks like she is out of your league she probably is divorced at least once.

-Shop for comfort, not for speed. (This is everything in life)

-Every man should be entitled to one good woman, one good dog, and one good boat.

-If Worms are 85% protein then what is the other 15%?

-Quitting smoking isn't a choice, its a commitment.
 

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Just heard my wife's mom say "It's always something, and it's never nothing."
 
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